To bring things up to date.....
I had IV steroid treatments last week for 3 days - March 2nd, 3rd and 4th. I didn't feel that badly, but now that I'm 3 weeks in on the Avonex, I wanted to get to a base line and move from there. My thought was that if I could get to base line with the Avonex, using the steroids to push down the inflammation, I could guage the "best" that it could be, and I could predict whether in the long run I had a chance of being able to do things to make revenue come in.
Before the IV treatments, I was doing OK with work, but still had the fatigue toward the end of the day. BUT, there wasn't a lot of problems with full ears and full head and problems with comprehension. Because I didn't feel that badly, the steroid treatments really made me feel bad.... for the first time. And I still have the intense back pain, full ears and head.
And the Avonex gives you the ability to enjoy a near exquisite depression. The last couple of days have been really bad for me, making me come to grips with the reality of the situation. In fact, I may not be able to get a revenue stream up and running in the time I have left. If my work performance is going to be sustained at the level I've experienced over the last week, its time to give up and look at trying to get disability. Basically, I'm grappling with the fact that there may not be any thing that I can do. That I'm going to fail and that I'm just fooling myself thinking that I can build a business.
Granted, there are a lot of things wrong right now, but they're never as bad as they seem. Here's the thought process I've been going through the last 3 days or so....
1) Problems with the publishing product site - Its being delisted from Google for the primary keywords. I have no idea what's happening, other than the site is going off line every once in a while. I put a pinger on it this morning to try to figure it out. The bottom line is that google rankings are all over the place, and sales are consistently in the toilet. The product has a lot of potential, but the site itself needs work to get it ranked, and the product needs to be better described.
2) The Sales distributable requires more work, has less income potential and more competition than I originally thought. It really needs to be put on the internet, and the skill base required is a stretch for me. I have potential clients, but don't feel good enough to contact them, and don't know if I can handle the pressure to make milestones that new clients are going to require. I think that I over-stated the income potential. I know I under stated the competition - there's at least 1 guy out there that has everything that I'd put in the thing, and his price base is much less than I would like to charge.
3) I have no local business and doubt whether I'll have the level of energy required to build one. This is self-explainatory.
4) The web retailing portion of the business is a long way off, and I can't see how I'm going to be able to compete in that business again. I know the publishing product site has good bones, but I need to be adding content all the time. With how I've been feeling, I have doubts that I'll be able to get on a program where I add content every week. But I need to work on it continually over the next 3 years to be able to "make it" with revenue from that business when my waiting time is up.
Meanwhile, the clock is ticking. I haven't figured out finances lately because its too depressing to think about. Wifey is starting to kick in revenue, and that should give me 30 months from today, if I can "break even" on business expenses every month. Now, here's where the depression thing and not feeling good kick in.......
The nature of Multiple Sclerosis is unpredictability. For the last week, I've felt like I can't start, complete or work on anything. I know that's not true. I know I can accomplish SOMETHING. Today, I'm not as depressed, so I'm thinking its not as bad as I envisioned it yesterday. So today, I'm in the mode of hanging in there for another week to see how I feel. I've thought about an alternative plan though.....
1) File for disability (takes up to 2 years)
2) Shut down all aspects of the business (but I lose the health insurance)
3) Sell the car and maybe the house to get extension and complete the disability petition
4) Give up and act like an invalid for the rest of my life!
I don't like the alternative plan too much, but I have to start getting myself used to the idea. The major problem I'm having is that its been 9 months, and I'm not on a baseline that I can predict how I'll feel or what I can accomplish every day. Tomorrow, I'm going to start keeping a time clock again, and whittling at the work load to see if I can get something accomplished. In the near term it will be better than giving up.
I won't leave go of the alternate plan, but try to guage if its viable over the next 3 months, with a deadline of the end of June.
Scale - 10 is worst
Weather - 70 and Sunny
I had IV steroid treatments last week for 3 days - March 2nd, 3rd and 4th. I didn't feel that badly, but now that I'm 3 weeks in on the Avonex, I wanted to get to a base line and move from there. My thought was that if I could get to base line with the Avonex, using the steroids to push down the inflammation, I could guage the "best" that it could be, and I could predict whether in the long run I had a chance of being able to do things to make revenue come in.
Before the IV treatments, I was doing OK with work, but still had the fatigue toward the end of the day. BUT, there wasn't a lot of problems with full ears and full head and problems with comprehension. Because I didn't feel that badly, the steroid treatments really made me feel bad.... for the first time. And I still have the intense back pain, full ears and head.
And the Avonex gives you the ability to enjoy a near exquisite depression. The last couple of days have been really bad for me, making me come to grips with the reality of the situation. In fact, I may not be able to get a revenue stream up and running in the time I have left. If my work performance is going to be sustained at the level I've experienced over the last week, its time to give up and look at trying to get disability. Basically, I'm grappling with the fact that there may not be any thing that I can do. That I'm going to fail and that I'm just fooling myself thinking that I can build a business.
Granted, there are a lot of things wrong right now, but they're never as bad as they seem. Here's the thought process I've been going through the last 3 days or so....
1) Problems with the publishing product site - Its being delisted from Google for the primary keywords. I have no idea what's happening, other than the site is going off line every once in a while. I put a pinger on it this morning to try to figure it out. The bottom line is that google rankings are all over the place, and sales are consistently in the toilet. The product has a lot of potential, but the site itself needs work to get it ranked, and the product needs to be better described.
2) The Sales distributable requires more work, has less income potential and more competition than I originally thought. It really needs to be put on the internet, and the skill base required is a stretch for me. I have potential clients, but don't feel good enough to contact them, and don't know if I can handle the pressure to make milestones that new clients are going to require. I think that I over-stated the income potential. I know I under stated the competition - there's at least 1 guy out there that has everything that I'd put in the thing, and his price base is much less than I would like to charge.
3) I have no local business and doubt whether I'll have the level of energy required to build one. This is self-explainatory.
4) The web retailing portion of the business is a long way off, and I can't see how I'm going to be able to compete in that business again. I know the publishing product site has good bones, but I need to be adding content all the time. With how I've been feeling, I have doubts that I'll be able to get on a program where I add content every week. But I need to work on it continually over the next 3 years to be able to "make it" with revenue from that business when my waiting time is up.
Meanwhile, the clock is ticking. I haven't figured out finances lately because its too depressing to think about. Wifey is starting to kick in revenue, and that should give me 30 months from today, if I can "break even" on business expenses every month. Now, here's where the depression thing and not feeling good kick in.......
The nature of Multiple Sclerosis is unpredictability. For the last week, I've felt like I can't start, complete or work on anything. I know that's not true. I know I can accomplish SOMETHING. Today, I'm not as depressed, so I'm thinking its not as bad as I envisioned it yesterday. So today, I'm in the mode of hanging in there for another week to see how I feel. I've thought about an alternative plan though.....
1) File for disability (takes up to 2 years)
2) Shut down all aspects of the business (but I lose the health insurance)
3) Sell the car and maybe the house to get extension and complete the disability petition
4) Give up and act like an invalid for the rest of my life!
I don't like the alternative plan too much, but I have to start getting myself used to the idea. The major problem I'm having is that its been 9 months, and I'm not on a baseline that I can predict how I'll feel or what I can accomplish every day. Tomorrow, I'm going to start keeping a time clock again, and whittling at the work load to see if I can get something accomplished. In the near term it will be better than giving up.
I won't leave go of the alternate plan, but try to guage if its viable over the next 3 months, with a deadline of the end of June.
Scale - 10 is worst
Weather - 70 and Sunny
Shaking - 6
Neck Pain - 0
Upper Back Pain - 8
Upper Back Pain - 8
Fatigue - 4
Foggy Head - 7
Foggy Head - 7
Tinitus - 7
Ears Full - 7
Hand Numb - 0
Ears Full - 7
Hand Numb - 0
Spatial Orientation -
Gastro - 9
Insomnia = 0
Eye Focus - 5
Sleep Kick - 0
Pain Meds - Yes
Benedryl last night - 0
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